A Special Form of Denial…

If past experience has taught me anything, it’s that I shouldn’t blog (or for that matter be anywhere near the internet) when I’m in my current state of mind. However, as it’s long been proven that I’m incapable of learning from my mistakes I shall continue nonetheless.

The last week or so seems to have been far too busy for me to get a moment to think, which is in itself a good thing but leaves me at a bit of a loss as to where to begin when I finally do have an, admittedly small, bit of breathing space.

So I’ll start with a few of the things I’ve actually been doing work-wise…

The weekend before last I did a rather cool shoot for a music video with German photographer/musician/film-maker, Carla Subito… the shoot was set in a beautiful derelict house, and I got to test out my ‘dancing’ skills and my ability to pretend to be a ghost that isn’t sure if it’s a ghost or not… It was and incredibly fun job and I really can’t wait to see the results!

After that I had planned to have a nice quiet, free week though it didn’t really work out that way… I ended up taking an impromptu trip to Dublin and being booked every single day after that. I have nothing to post yet, though when I do, I shall… I do however have a few previously unseen photos from Dublin back in 2007(!) which I shall share in my next post

Back in London, I had a free day on Sunday and spent it getting lost in the science museum with Manolo (free science!) and narrowly avoiding fatal motorbike accidents on the way back… well maybe fatal is a little dramatic, being hit with a 6ft high wall of water is actually quite hilarious until you realise that you’re soaking wet and still have another half an hour to go home in the cold.

Monday I was back to work again, doing another performance with Esinem, this time at Cirque du Soir… some stuff with an electric sander, a violet wand, a few lightbulbs, a smattering of needles and a good bit of fake (and real) blood thrown in for good measure… also, more of my vague attempts at ‘dancing’… whilst kneeling on the bar.

And now I’m back spending my last couple of days in Northampton. As you may or may not be aware, I’m currently in the process of relocating to Cambridge, which is very exciting, but also it seems, hugely stressful and thus I’m doing quite a lot of procrastinating over the whole thing.

The process of sorting out and packing up my stuff seems to be getting lost in a huge wave of nostalgia every time I try to make a proper start on it. I’ve been in this flat for about 3 years now, which is quite a long while for me to stay in one place, and much as I dislike Northampton I will be quite sad to leave this flat.
For quite a while I’ve maintained that it’s the only place I’ve lived that’s actually felt like home since I was quite a small child, but I’ve gradually come to realise that the ‘home’ feeling hasn’t really been here for a long time, the good memories have become far outweighed by bad ones and general mundane crap, and it’s about time that I stopped surrounding myself with old ghosts and attempted some form of a new start.

This video was sent to me last week… it’s probably been over 3 years in the making. Marc was living with me for a year or so of that time so I’ve seen countless draft edits, and some of it is filmed here in the flat.

I can be seen engaged in a sex scene behind a dolls head, lying under a sheet of glass whilst an interesting white substance poured and smeared over the top and lying with a towel wrapped around my head… It’s also my hand holding the cigarette during the end credits, and the piano parts in the soundtrack were played by yours truly.

I cannot be seen with a snail crawling all over me, or wearing a diving mask stuffed full of dead baby octopus… though I can assure you that these things did happen during the making of this film.